BDSM, like most fetishes, is misunderstood. You say BDSM and many people think of abusive behaviour or a unconsensual sex. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
BDSM is a broad term that covers anything from bondage, discipline, dominance, submission to sadism and masochism. These all might sound like scary terms but actually, if you communicate your desires and safe zones then BDSM can be very fun.
No one runs before they can walk and this is the same with BDSM. If you are beginner, then starting with the extreme props is going to put you right off. Start slowly and explore what really turns you on.
Our 5 top tips for staying safe as a beginner to BDSM are:
1. Do your research
Don’t let porn or any film tell you what BDSM is. Read up on the term from trusted sources like Fetlife, which is a huge social community for fetish lovers. Think of it like Facebook for BDSM.
Have a look at well known trusted websites that give you both sides of the story of what BDSM really is about.
Decide what you would like to try first. Does the idea of bondage and being controlled turn you on? Do you get pleasure from pain? Do you just like the idea of being spanked? All these of none of these are ok. BDSM is all about knowing your own limits and being able to tell your partner what they are in a safe way.
2. Talk clearly
There’s no need to feel embarrassed about your sexual needs. We all have them. Sit down with your partner and chat to them about what you are looking for.
Are they comfortable and what are your partners limits? Come up with a list as well as a safe word so that if it does go too far the other knows that you need to stop.
BDSM is all about trust.
3. Bring someone else in
Sometimes it helps to have a guide when it comes to what you really want. Think of this person as your trainer who can help walk you through and unlock your inner desires.
Have a look for Mistress near me and see if anyone is a match to you personality wise.
Depending on your desires, you may want to have a look at Dominatrix dating which isn’t as scary as it sounds! It means that you can have someone on standby that clearly knows what you want and helps you achieve it.
4. Go slow
There’s no rush to get to the hard stuff if that’s even what you want. The first time may feel cringe, that’s ok. The ropes may be too tight or too lose. Whatever it is, like everything, it takes practice to get it right.
Make sure you are letting your partner know what feels right and what doesn’t straight away. This means that it will be even better next time.
5. Aftercare is important
Think of this as a debrief of your work. Sit down together and talk about what you liked and didn’t like. What would you change next time? How did your partner feel through the whole thing?
BDSM is all about consensual acts so knowing how you both felt before, during and after the act is vital for not only your relationship but for learning more about each other’s sexual desires.