We all know the film, right? The innocent girl meets the rich handsome guy who is in to BDSM. He comes on to heavy and she runs away scared.
But is that really what BDSM is all about? Of course not!
BDSM covers a range of sexual pleasures that include bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. These are all lumped together under the term BDSM but mean a world of different things to many different people.
BDSM is about more than sex. It’s about getting exactly what you need to feel your whole self, whatever that is. There is no judgement and it doesn’t have to mean sex. BDSM is a personal preference
So here are our 5 tips if you want to try BDSM for the first time or try something outside of your normal comfort zone. You won’t learn any of this from watching the films!
BDSMers are normal people
They aren’t all rich dudes with flashy cars who brood all the time. Many people into BDSM are what you would call your “normal folk”.
If you visited one of the many BDSM hang outs you’ll realise that everyone is the same. If you are looking to make bdsm contacts then a local friendly meet is the best play to go. Don’t worry, they won’t have you in locked in chains. Many are just a social event that means you get to meet new people and see if you click.
It’s not all whips and chains
Fifty shades is considered a bit of a cringe fest in the BDSM community. His “play room”, while pretty cool isn’t really the norm. Many BDSMers have a range of kinks that cover everything from multiple sexual partners to sex toys and dress up.
Living the BDSM lifestyle is really flexible and can help you to explore all your sexual fantasies in a safe and fun way. If you are both new to the scene then it may be worth getting some outside help to guide you both on what you like and don’t like sexually. Have a look at this mistress dating site people who can help you.
There’s nothing wrong with you
The film may portray Mr Grey as someone who is damaged but not everyone who likes BDSM is! This is one of the mist exasperating misconceptions that a lot of people have. BDSM isn’t something that has come from abuse or violence, it’s just one aspect of someone’s lifestyle that doesn’t define them.
It’s all about boundaries
Know that you can say no at any time. You don’t have to be all in or nothing at all. For example, you could be the submissive one night and the next be the dominant. That’s the great thing about BDSM. You can be whoever you want to be.
Try something new and pick and choose the activities you’ve always wanted to try. Remember that it’s all about consent though so make sure that everyone in the party is happy with what is going to happen. Communication is always the key when it comes to BDSM.
BDSM is all about learning
It can be as simple or as complicated as you like! The great thing about BDSM is that you can make it what you want. It’s all about learning what gives you and your partner pleasure. That’s not something you are going to know straight away.
Unlike Fifty Shades, it’s a real learning curve that takes time to master.